The Worst Tv Shows Of 2014 Party Wright Around The World Was Bad But There Were Lots More Turkeys
The worst TV shows of 2014? Party Wright Around The World was bad - but there were lots more turkeys
Yes, it’s time for me to proudly present the least prestigious awards in showbiz. My New Year’s Dishonours List for services to terrible television.
After the crap Christmas cracker-free schedules scored the lowest festive ratings ever, let’s look back on 2014’s unintentionally hilarious turkeys. So bad they defied belief.
Worst Programme: Always the most hotly contested category with so many strong awful contenders.
But against stiff opposition, Essex Boy strikes again. After his 2012 catastrophe Mark Wright’s Hollywood Nights, he unleashed ITV2’s stunningly moronic Party Wright Around The World.
This brainless calamity involved our gormless hero organising sad little shindigs in exotic locations for no apparent reason. Due to ludicrously lousy viewing figures, it was instantly axed.
The party’s over. But congratulations to Wrighty… our first double winner. Yay.
Highly Commended: BBC1’s pathetic shambles Tumble. ITV2’s inexplicable Tom Daley Goes Global. ITV2’s repetitively dull Educating Joey Essex. ITV’s Splash! Diving into oblivion. TLC’s The Charlotte Crosby Experience. ITV2’s stupid American import I Wanna Marry Harry. ITV’s ode to quackery The Speakmans.
Worst Comedy: BBC1’s relentlessly unfunny Citizen Khan. A Pakistani My Family without the laughs, what this juvenile dirge lacked in popularity it more than made up for in terms of the groovy Beeb’s ethnic quota system.
Highly Commended: ITV’s stillborn again dud Birds Of A Feather.
ITVComeback: But Birds of a Feather should have just flown away
Worst Breakfast Show: ITV’s Good Morning Britain continued the epic failure of its hopeless pre-decessor Daybreak.
After dumping expensive Beeb defectors Adrian Chiles and Christine Bleakley, they recruited expensive Beeb defector Susanna Reid… and achieved the same dismal results. What a surprise.
Worst Drama: BBC1’s dreadful Jamaica Inn. A feel-bad offering for Easter, this literally dark saga (so lacking in lighting you couldn’t see it) was slammed because the mumbling cast’s silly shiver-me-timbers Cornish accents were impossible to hear. Risible rubbish.
Highly Commended: BBC1’s swash- buckling tosh The Musketeers.
Worst Soap: BBC1’s depressing vale of tears EastEnders. Which last April launched its 24th and longest-running murder mystery. Who killed the 4th version of Lucy Beale? Was it the 2nd version of Lauren Branning, the 6th version of Peter Beale or the 5th version of Ben Mitchell? Who cares?
Highly Commended: All the other soaps. Mad as a box of frogs.
Who killed Lucy Beale? Who cares?
Worst Deception: Channel 4’s The Island With Bear Grylls (not on it). A bunch of intrepid nobodies struggling to survive on an uninhabited South Sea island. Shameless fakery as the producers secretly shipped in crocodiles for the Robinson Crusoes to theatrically kill. And then built a rubber-lined water pond and pretended it was natural. Great.
Highly Commended: Peter Andre’s 60 Minute Makeover. It takes a day.
Worst Television Personality: I’m A Celeb überflop Gemma Collins. There are no words.
Highly Commended: Benefits Street superstar White Dee.
Worst Talent Search: The X Factor starring artificial “friends” Simon Cowell and Cheryl Cole, the comeback queens whose much-hyped return failed to halt the alarming decline. Who won? I’ve forgotten.
Highly Commended: The Apprentice. For increasing the idiot tally to 20 just so my Cockney pal “Lord” Sugar could fire more of them.
Worst Miserable Git Of A TV Critic: Me. For dwelling on the disasters and not triumphs like Happy Valley, Harry and Paul’s Story Of The Twos, Our World War, Cilla and all the other success stories that made telly worthwhile.
And on that bombshell, I wish you a very happy viewing New Year. Here we go again!
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